When the bully leaves the schoolyard

Bullying happens. Statistics and prevalent studies show that 35-50 percent of employees have experienced some form of bullying or workplace harassment. The bully may be a peer, manager, or even a top leader in the organization.

What is bullying? It is abusive or harmful behavior directed at a victim or group of victims by a single offender. Bullies generally engage in persistently aggressive acts designed to humiliate and degrade the other person. Often, the goal is to make victims appear incompetent, inept and unworthy of their position in the company.

Bullying can be overt and blatant. Being verbally berated by one’s supervisor during team meetings is an explicit form of aggression. Exclusion from departmental meetings or being left out of important email conversations may be less obvious but it is no less insidious.

Other examples of bullying can include spreading rumors, hiding information, taking credit for ideas, placing unfair blame or using a condescending or degrading tone when addressing the victim.

The occasional rude or annoying remark does not equate to bullying. While no one should be made to feel uneasy at work, there will be people we don’t like or who don’t like us. Some of us are prone to overreact or to take things too personally. Objectively evaluate the situation. If necessary, seek the input of a trusted mentor who can help you sort out your feelings and determine if, in fact, you are being bullied.

If you are the target of bullying behavior, take a stand. Make a decision that you will not allow the adverse treatment to continue. Once you are prepared for the next attack, you are more likely to respond calmly and quickly.

Be straightforward and use “I” messages such as, “I find your behavior inappropriate.” It is important to set clear and consistent professional boundaries. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give the bully any further satisfaction by allowing them to push your buttons or get you riled up.

Document your interactions with the bully. Use a log to track and date conversations and incidents. Detailed records will be extremely valuable should you end up reporting the problem, going through mediation or taking the issue to court.

Practice excellent self-care. Victims of workplace violence, including bullying or other forms of harassment, can experience high levels of stress, inability to concentrate, sleep disturbance, anxiety and even situational depression. Bullying impacts our work and home lives.

Take advantage of Employee Assistance Program services or seek private counseling to process your emotions, manage stress and increase assertiveness. Yoga, meditation, running and brisk walks also offer therapeutic benefits and improve our ability to handle difficulties. While it is not always easy, the best revenge is to stay productive, do good work and remain as above the fray as possible.

If the bullying continues or you are concerned that the situation could escalate to violence, report the problem to your supervisor or to human resources. Provide detailed examples and explain how the behavior is impacting your ability to do your work. Express your willingness to be part of the solution.

Human resource professionals generally have greater experience and interest in handling these types of issues than managers. Sometimes HR or management is part of the problem. Use your best judgment when it comes to deciding whom to speak to about the bullying.

In any case, resist the urge to talk about the problem around the water cooler. Victims often try to turn others against the bully in order to build a personal alliance. This rarely ends up working out well for anyone except the bully. Take the high road and trust that others will see you as the true professional.

If your efforts to handle the problem have not worked and if HR or management is not taking the issue seriously, it may be in your best interest to take your skills elsewhere. Remind yourself that you are not a “quitter.” You are simply choosing to value yourself. No position is worth the sacrifice of our mental health and wellbeing.

People and organizations pay a hefty price when bullying goes unchecked. Productivity and morale plummet while costs associated with attendance, turnover, staff retraining, healthcare and disability usage increase. When people suffer, so do profits. Unfortunately, not all organizations take these types of issues seriously.

In a perfect world, there would be no bullying at work. Zero tolerance for bullying involves leadership being committed to creating a positive workplace culture. HR and management would be trained to effectively handle difficult situations. All employees would be provided with opportunities to develop their communication and conflict resolution skills.

Until that time, employees need to know their worth and stand up for themselves. Everyone deserves to work in a safe and comfortable environment. Bullies need not apply!

Carrie Pinsky is a Fort Collins-based career and HR advisor. She can be reached at carrie@pinkskywriting.com.

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