Road to solutions paved with consensus, dialogue

“Can you live with it?”

This is a question I ask when helping teams achieve consensus on an issue, plan, or strategy. True consensus is not voting, selling others to agree with your point of view, or any form of coercion to get team members to agree. Consensus is also not compromise, but rather a collaborative view that leads to general collective agreement.

Achieving consensus takes patience and time. These are two commodities that are in short supply in today”s complex world. However, I believe it is critical to change the conversation from a debate to a dialogue if we are to discover solutions to new challenges.

Because consensus demonstrates a commitment by a group of individuals to truly work together toward a shared vision, when a group makes the commitment to achieve consensus, the results are tremendously productive. It is important to realize, however, that the process cannot be achieved in a few minutes or even hours when it comes to complex subjects.

When working with teams I ask, “Can you live with it and can you support it?” To answer these two questions, there must be wide understanding of a solution. Disagreement means that individuals are unable to suspend their certainty based upon outdated or unexamined beliefs which prevent openness to new ideas; communication between people can leave gaps that prevent understanding of a solution; or finally, the people disagree for reasons that have nothing to do with the alternative such as interpersonal history, politics or misperceptions.

Disagreement can be overcome by a team who commits in good faith to find common ground or consensus. When individuals commit to a process of understanding and are willing to practice a new way of working together, collaboration leading to agreement is possible.

The quantum mechanics of dialogue

Dialogue is a form of conversation that was quantified by a theoretical physicist and peer to Einstein, David Bohm. Once Bohm understood quantum mechanics, he formed the belief that our world and each of us are interconnected. From that strong belief, he devoted the latter portion of his career to developing and promoting dialogue, a method used to change the conversation among people.

To understand and implement dialogue, we must look at the core set of behaviors teams use to navigate a conversation. First, we must listen to fully understand what each individual is saying. We often listen until we find disagreement and then we focus on formulating our response, waiting for that moment that allows us to insert ourselves into the conversation. We must learn to genuinely listen, reflect upon what is being said, allow the ideas to percolate, and suspend our judgment and certainty.

Another principle of dialogue is respecting differences and diversity of job function, education, life experience, and so on. Diversity brings richness and texture to any conversation, and as we allow diverse opinions to surface and incorporate differing opinions into the development of solutions, we create new possibilities.

Listening and valuing differences requires a suspension of certainty. We must allow other views that differ and even conflict with ours to surface. We don”t have to agree to learn from others. To acknowledge that we don”t actually know everything requires humility. Allowing others to disagree without conflict demands trust, which is why suspending certainty takes discipline, but it can be done.

Change the conversation

How do we put these ideas into action and begin to practice changing the conversation?

Listening is often sacrificed because we “speed” through our days and fail to be fully present with others. Whether one-on-one or in a team, try to slow down and be an active listener.

Try listening to those who disagree with you by watching a television program that you know will produce a differing opinion. Discipline yourself to listen without comment and take note of how you react and how it feels to be active without being reactive. You may not change your mind and that is not the goal. The goal is to listen for valuable insights and understanding. As you listen, set the assumption that everyone is seeking a result that benefits the common good.

How important are these principles to our success? Recently U.S. Gen. David Petraeus wrote to Greg Mortenson, author of the book “Three Cups of Tea,” and summarized the key elements of the book that he felt facilitated Mortenson”s success in building schools for girls in Afghanistan: “build relationships, listen more, and have more humility and respect.”

It is nearly impossible to create new solutions without dialogue. Learn to listen quietly without judgment, accept that you will find value in other”s opinions, and trust that everyone seeks to benefit the common good.

Shirley Esterly is a master facilitator and systems thinker who works with clients to build sustainable business practices. She can be reached at
[email protected].