Assessment process can improve self-awareness

Q: I need help knowing what I should do at work. I have always worked hard and stayed focused on our goals. I haven’t missed a target yet. Recently, though, I was passed over for a promotion. I was given some vague response about my “people skills.” Apparently I am too intense and hard driving. What? How else can I meet tough objectives? I don’t know what to do. Feeling embarrassed and confused. I like my company and want to stay. How do I deal with this?

A: (This answer has been provided by, Cindy Moret O’Keeffe, a corporate coach who helps smart professionals create their most desired impact.)
Ouch! This feedback strikes at a gut level. It may be surprising that what you consider normal is perceived by others as extreme. This disconnect occurs when your unique qualities manifest with more intensity than that of the average person. The irony is that you feel criticized for something fundamental to your success! People with this “too” intensity hear things like:
¥ You’re too much of a perfectionist; you can’t expect us to keep up.
¥ You’re too goal-oriented; you only care about results, not people.
¥ You’re too busy; you never have time for friends or family.
Ignoring these perceptions can restrict your career options as well as personal relationships. The challenge is pausing long enough to recognize your current impact and identify your desired one.
Take Chris for example, who earned a critical role based on superb attention to detail, great intelligence and unparalleled dedication. This intensity, however, yielded an unanticipated result. Chris’ “efficient” directness was perceived as condescending and colleagues worried about getting on Chris’ “bad side.” People said Chris was too task-oriented and too fast-paced.
There was also significant personal impact. As the workday grew longer and longer, there was less attention to family, individual rejuvenation and personal health, which was suffering.
Like Chris, you may wrestle with this internal tug of war. On one side stand the “too” qualities that you have come to rely on. Staring back is your unintended, limiting impact. So how do you integrate this feedback while remaining true to yourself? You may even wonder, “why bother,” things have gone okay so far?
Work through the following 5 steps to find out. After all, “okay so far” just doesn’t cut it for the intense, passionate “too something” person.

1. Take Inventory
Find some blank paper and uninterrupted time. Record your responses to the following:
¥ List 5 influential people in your life right now.
They would say I am “too x09 .”
¥ In what other ways are you “too” something?

2. Look at Your Present Impact
It’s not often that we genuinely assess how our way of moving through life affects those around us, and ultimately ourselves. Go beyond the quick, obvious answer and search for the most honest response.
n How does being “too” something help you succeed?
n How does it get in the way?
These observations offer the “You Are Here” point on the journey to creating your most desired impact.
3. Define Your Desired Impact
“Impact”, what does that mean to you? Consider the ripple effect of everything you do, say, don’t do or don’t say. Think in terms of your effect on others, your environment and yourself.
¥ How would you like to be described by your peers? Superiors? Subordinates?
¥ Ideally, what would your family/friends say is special about you?
¥ When will you be successful?
¥ What legacy would be most satisfying?
4. Discover the Gaps
Notice the space between your current and desired impact. In this step, you will outline some possible strategies for narrowing that gap. For the moment, ignore practicalities and shake off any sense of “rules”. Let all sorts of ideas mingle on the same page. What possibilities emerge when you consider:
¥ What are the easy options?
¥ How could I challenge myself?
¥ What strategies would the five most influential people in my life offer? (To crank it up a notch, go ask them!)
¥ What could I start today?
You now have a list of possible options. Among them, is the potential for sharing your talents more effectively. Don’t squelch your “too” talent; just use it with greater awareness and precision.
5. Bridge the Gap
Review your list from Step 4. Ask, “Which option(s) would be most effective?” Pick a few that you are willing to commit to. To help you succeed, address the following:
¥ When will you begin?
¥ How will you evaluate this strategy?
¥ Who can support your efforts?
¥ What is your truest motivation for persevering?
¥ How will you hold yourself accountable?
To learn more visit www.WhatsYourEdge.com.

Windsor resident Russell Disberger is a founding member of Aspen Business Group, a Northern Colorado-based specialty consulting and venture capital firm. He can be reached by e-mail at rusell@aspenbusinessgroup.com, or at (970) 396-7009.

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