All in the family

If you are near baby-boomer age, then you know: These are unprecedented times. Your parents are living longer than any generation before them, yet crumbling under the skyrocketing costs of medical and long-term care. Your children, despite their best efforts, are losing jobs or not finding work at all. And your own pocketbook? Well, it has thinned, particularly as you’ve watched your nest egg crack under recessionary blows.

How do you survive the economic strain?

A growing number of families are turning back the clock, finding relief in using a tactic their great-grandparents knew: living together under one roof.

It’s estimated that one in six Americans resides in a multigenerational home, a number that has grown steadily for decades but took a leap from 2007 to 2009. In those three years, Americans living in households with mixed generations grew from 46.5 million to 51.4 million, a 10.5 percent increase, according to U.S. Census statistics.

“There are multiple reasons for the trend,” said Christine Fruhauf, director of the Human Development and Family Studies Extension at Colorado State University, including immigration of cultures in which multigenerational living is the norm. “But mostly, particularly during that three-year leap, it’s financial,” said Fruhauf, an associate professor. Regardless of the reason for this family rearranging, experts say coming back together and pooling resources, financial and otherwise, can strengthen a family and put members back on track – as long as it’s done right.

Real estate experts have noted the trend for a few years, with some builders designing and re-designing homes to cater to the multigenerational family. “I would say it’s definitely becoming more prevalent,” said Jeff Schneider of Armstead Construction, who is in the midst of two remodels in Fort Collins to accommodate mother-in-law move-ins. “Families are weighing the pros and cons of the cost of standard nursing care versus a remodel to adapt their existing home, which then allows them to take care of the family member.”

In one of his current cases, the newly retired grandmother will ease the child-care load for the business-traveling couple.

Whether it’s a new house with separate wings or a “granny flat” over the garage doesn’t matter, as long as the setup provides privacy along with proximity, said Sharon Niederhaus, co-author of Together Again, a guide to multigenerational living. “I had one wife tell me moving her mother-in-law in almost ended in divorce,” Niederhaus said. The marriage was saved when the couple finally built a small cottage in the back. And pricey custom-built options are not always necessary for privacy, Niederhaus said. Sometimes a simple remodel, or even installing a door on a basement stairwell, can be all it takes, she said.

Moving grandparents in today can be highly cost-effective, with the price tag of assisted living as much as $75,000 a year, Niederhaus said. Some families will sell the grandparents existing home and use the profits for remodels, Schneider said. Other people will sell both homes and combine profits for a new house. Regardless of how finances are handled, all family members should sit down and decide who pays what – whether it’s utilities, groceries, mortgage payments or contributions to long-term savings – before even renting a moving van.

“Make agreements ahead of time, and make sure everyone abides by them, Niederhaus said. That includes returning adult “kids,” coined the “boomerang generation,” who can flip burgers while they look for their “real” job or take on added responsibilities to contribute to the family. Allowing anyone to “sit out” will lead to poor dependence traits and ill will. “It’s a: ‘We’re in this together’ attitude that leads to success,” said Lynette McGowan, caregiver support program coordinator for the Larimer County Office on Aging. “Being interdependent but not too dependent is a healthy way to look at it.”

Adding more people to a household creates more chores, and a team effort again must prevail, McGowan said. “It’s really important for families to sit down and divide responsibilities and make sure it’s structured,” she said, adding that she too often sees one person taking all of the household and caregiving tasks. Families should address issues as they arise, whether they are conflicts over parenting or who takes out the trash, and hold regular family meetings. And make sure each person has personal time, McGowan said. “Going out with friends once a week is just as important as taking a parent to the doctor.”

Resources are available for families trying to succeed together. Whether it’s acquiring Medicaid for grandparents or understanding changes in the new Affordable Care Act, such as “children” being allowed on parents’ insurance policies until age 26 or the no discrimination for pre-existing conditions policy, navigators can help families with new health-care issues, McGowan said. Offices such as McGowan’s or AARP’s can direct families to help for everything from accessing Social Security to naming powers of attorney.

Personal resources should also be flagged, from other relatives who can help with aging parents to employers who can provide caregiving-friendly policies. “Reach out for support,” McGowan said. “Don’t wait until you’re at the end of your rope.”

Despite the challenges, surveys show that many families who take the plunge and reunite under one roof find the rewards of multigenerational living far outweigh the downsides, Fruhauf said. “By being together and working together, families report those relationships grow strong.”

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