Bolak: You can’t change what you’re unaware of

What makes us do the things we do?

Skill assessments can help us identify unproductive behaviors that we may not even be aware of. Once aware, we can them explore the underlying reasons for those behaviors.

The easiest way to figure out why we behave in certain ways is to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings that trigger our behaviors. Most of the time employees take actions and respond to stimuli without knowing why they are responding that way and whether or not that sub-conscious response is the best one for the situation. Often when we engage in training and professional development, we’re exposed to a variety of new routines, tactics and strategies for change and growth, but none of that will produce the desired results unless we have true self-awareness.

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As an individual works to be more candid and open to their strengths and weaknesses, that gives them a deeper perception of themselves and what makes them tick. It also highlights your individual communication style apart from your environment and team.

Psychologists call this concept humility; an honest appraisal of what we’re great at and the areas where we’re weak or tend to struggle. In business, we might take it one step further and call it professional humility; the admission that we are not a finished product and are open to looking at our blind spots to put strategies and tactics to work to improve upon them.

Self-awareness. It seems simple

Self-awareness is a continuum; it is not a binary quality. It can be identified through benchmarking assessment. While recently identifying a client assessment where his self-awareness score was low, he challenged the validity of the assessment. Our trainer debriefing the assessment responded with a simple question: “Don’t you think it’s interesting that of all the qualities on your assessment that were measured, self-awareness is the one you’re contesting?” In other words, a truly self-aware and professionally humble individual would be much more likely to be open to the data in their own assessment. After all, it was they who completed the assessment and answered the questions.

So an individual on the higher end of the self-awareness scale will be much more open to recognizing and accepting how others perceive them, their attitude and responses. Sometimes others’ views of us surprise us. In the business world this can be eye opening. If there is a discrepancy between how others perceive you and how you want to be perceived, you can only work to close that gap through awareness.

Becoming more self-aware is easier said than done.

There are many steps you can take to raise your level of self-awareness. Start with paying attention to your thoughts and feelings and becoming more conscious of what triggers them – particularly the ones that create problems of you in your work role with co-workers, direct reports, clients and prospects. The more you know, the easier it is to improve or change them.

Feelings are an important guide. Negative feelings such as anger and aggression are signs that you feel threatened or scared. Sometimes people act like bullies in order to cover up hidden feelings of weakness and vulnerability. When you have an emotional meltdown is a great time to journal on what happened and objectively look to alternative responses the next time the stimulus or situation that preceded the meltdown happens.

Defensive people typically deflect criticism or suggestions for improvement, even when it comes in the form of professional training and coaching. The next time you are receiving less than positive feedback, work to listen objectively in your “adult ego state,” to clearly understand and process what is being said, rather than shutting down to protect your “child ego state” from feelings of inferiority and rejection.

Being candid, self-aware and open are the first steps to improving the skills and characteristics that often cause us to engage in unproductive behaviors. When you’re able to embrace your positives and growth areas, you’ll not only develop a new freedom, but you’ll grow in ways you never thought possible both personally and professionally. A positive “identity,” or self-esteem, is essential for living a life filled with joy, zest, confidence and accomplishment.

So go ahead, look in the mirror and love the person looking back.

Bob Bolak is president of Sandler Training. Contact him at bbolak@sandler.com.