All aboard the ban wagon

It seems to me that governments, organizations and even businesses are going ban crazy.

Don’t like what’s going on? Ban it.

Some bans are for the good of the majority, others are for the good of a few, and others – well, they make me scratch my head.

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Fracking, smoking, plastic bags, marijuana businesses, assault weapons and dogs in the workplace all are on the ban wagon in our neck of the woods. Fire bans are in place and rightly so.

Theoretically, bans shouldn’t be necessary, but people will be people, and they for sure will disagree on almost anything they believe assaults their health or sensibilities.

I began to wonder what other kinds of bans are being put in place elsewhere. I googled and binged and found that bans are pretty common worldwide. Some make sense, others – well, I’m scratching.

Earlier this week, the National Football League ordered a ban on purses and bags at all games. Given the state of terrorism and the size of the average NFL crowd, it’s inconvenient, but necessary.

Minnesota joined Washington as the first two states to ban coal-tar sealants on roads. The banners made a strong case that sealants made from coal tar are a health hazard.

Nudists are to be banned from one of Britain’s most famous beaches that was featured in “Shakespeare In Love” amid fears it is being invaded by sex swingers and “perverts.” Naturists are being told to cover up at Holkham, near Wells, north Norfolk, after complaints about lewd and anti-social behavior. Along those same lines, the Navy came out this week banning “nudie” magazines at all its installations. Art in the eye of the beholder?

The town council in Wildwood, New Jersey, banned sagging pants. Hooray!

In Canada, the Quebec Soccer Federation banned turbans on Sikh footballers. Then the ban was reversed. An obvious case of turban tension.

In India, the use of electric shock treatment without anesthesia on mental health patients was banned. C’mon — you’ve got to be crazy to pull a stunt like that.

The Onion, a tongue-in-cheek online newspaper whose editors poke fun at topical issues, published a story about a new law that would ban marriages between people who don’t love each other.

Utah banned teen drivers from using cellphones. It should have gone further and extended the ban to all drivers and included Colorado. I, like thousands of others, drive the Diagonal daily, and have had my share of close calls because a cell talker or texter drifted into my lane, oblivious to their surroundings. Ban ’em all.

While we’re at it, let’s ban fireworks in neighborhoods. I am approaching that age when I want to yell at dog walkers, kids in general and aspiring pyromaniacs. I have to squelch the urge to blurt out, “Hey, get off my lawn!” Not there yet, but, if one more bottle rocket lands in my backyard this July my wife will have to ban me from going ballistic.

Doug Storum can be reached at 303-630-1959 or dstorum@bcbr.com.