What does The Eye see(Charge against property making it security for payment of debt, judgment, mortgage or taxes.)

xThe Eye, still blinking from those flash-in-the-eyeball holiday pictures and now on the verge of day-after-New Year’s bloodshot bleariness, nevertheless offers up these Year 2000 forecasts:

No matter how many business replay cards or spam e-mails you get this year proclaiming “You can make $4,000 a day sitting at your kitchen table … in your underwear,” absolutely not a single person in the world will make even $1,000 a day sitting at their kitchen table, particularly if they are only wearing their underwear.

Not a single local merchant will bail out of downtown Boulder’s high-rent district to open up a shop in Crossroads Mall. Sorry, Art, it ain’t gonna happen.

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FlatIrons Crossing mall will have a thunderous retail opening-day success in fall 2000. Ensuing traffic jams on U.S. 36 shortly thereafter and Nordstrom sticker shock, however, will send many local shoppers scrambling back to their old favorite shopping haunts … like Wal-Mart.

Every Boulder citizen will decide to never again pay a traffic ticket from photo radar, forcing the Boulder Police Department to hire 100 more officers to hand-deliver the tickets and forcing the city into bankruptcy.

Boulder will decide to remove its traffic circles. Unfortunately, the circles will mysteriously begin to reappear. Crop circle experts will be brought in from England to study the possibility of alien activity.

Erie voters will have a no-growth change of heart and decide to annex the median and passing lanes of the entire Interstate 25 from Cheyenne , Wyo. to Raton, N.M.

The Eye, who stupidly assumed it could park for free at a meter in downtown Boulder on a Saturday during the height of the Christmas retail season, once again donates a $15 fine to the city’s happy holiday shopping slogan “Pay or now, or pay us later.” Online shopping, here we come.

If you’ve been ignoring your pet’s pleadings to take them sniffing and shopping at Boulder’s Colorado Canines, 1738 Pearl St., maybe it’s time. The all-natural bakery and boutique for dogs, cats, horses and birds has everything from pet driver’s license tags to free pet food samples. One puppy The Eye know all too well tells us the smoked salmon doggie cookies are particularly scrumptious.

Bumper sticker spotted: “Don’t Boulderize Longmont.” Of course, on the same bumper was another sticker: “A lady with a gun has more fun.”

Watch the scissors and hold your head still – it’s time to get a haircut for charity. The Eye always enjoys a trim around the holiday season, especially when businesses briefly forego a profit and give to charity. The Parlour’s three salons in Boulder, Fort Collins and Denver all joined together to raise money for local charities that help children and families across the Front Range. The salon managed to lower a lot of ears and raise more than $1,400 while handing out balloons and painting faces on Dec. 5 and 6. The Parlour Boulder raised money for Parenting Place; The Parlour Fort Collins chose the Harmony House; The Parlour Denver worked for Human Services Inc.

Other local businesses sponsored the “chops for charity,” including Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, Ben & Jerry’s and Wynkoop Brewery.

Still too pooped from partying to think straight? For just $10 a session, patrons of the Genki 02 Spa Bar at 1632 Market St. in LoDo can inhale their “aroma-infused” oxygen for 10 minutes. Also for sale: herbal shooters, bottled juices and energy bars.